This year, I turn 29—more than halfway through the typical workforce lifespan of 50-60 years. I grew up in a broken family. My father, once a successful inventor and businessman, faced bankruptcy due to family disputes and economic hardship. My mother passed away due to the stress caused by my father’s failed business, and I raised by my mother brother/uncle. My uncle is very strict regarding life, and it’s helpful in some degree that helps me go into professional businesses as a manager. Despite the values and lessons I received, I still struggle with my personal identity. I feel as though something is missing, leaving me unworthy in terms of family and relationships. I am grateful to have received scholarships from both my university and the government, but they only strengthened my professional skills—not my personal growth.
Whenever I attempt to build a relationship, I encounter obstacles I cannot seem to overcome. I felt unworthy, felt trapped, and I can only pray to God hope everything is fine, which my professional world is okay (not that bright, but okay), which lead to not so good income between my peers in my community as minority in some 3rd world country. In this country, minorities who do not achieve financial success or own a business often face exclusion from their community, and your identity as a minority make it harder to integrate to other than that community itself. And this applied to relationship itself. In my community, financial success is seen as a prerequisite for relationships. To be considered a worthy partner, one is expected to earn ten to a hundred times the average salary. It is difficult, but it remains my dream. I tried to, but it make me felt unworthy that I don’t have that kind of financial capability. It’s hard, and I need to keep trying…
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